Ron Swanson Quotes

Ron Swanson is a fictional character from the television show "Parks and Recreation." He is known for his deadpan humor, love of meat and woodworking, and his strong libertarian beliefs. As the director of the Parks and Recreation Department in the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana, Ron Swanson is often a source of memorable quotes and comedic moments on the show. His straightforward and often eccentric personality has made him a beloved and iconic character in popular culture. #RonSwanson

Ron Swanson Quotes

Here are 50 memorable quotes from the iconic character Ron Swanson from "Parks and Recreation"

1. "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have."

2. "I have only one password: it is the password that I use for everything."

3. "There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk."

4. "Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets."

5. "Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."

6. "I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief."

7. "Don't half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

8. "I'm not a fan of government. I'm not a fan of organized religion. I'm not a fan of anything really."

9. "I like saying 'no.' It lowers their enthusiasm."

10. "The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."

11. "I'd wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures."

12. "Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something."

13. "The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teat until they have sore, chapped nipples."

14. "Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone."

15. "I'd love to see your scientific evidence that this isn't a man's world."

16. "Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor."

17. "When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them."

18. "There's nothing we can't do if we work hard, never sleep, and shirk all other responsibilities in our lives."

19. "I can't stand people that lollygag."

20. "I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food."

21. "There's only one bad word: taxes."

22. "I'm not interested in caring about people."

23. "Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless."

24. "Son, there is no wrong way to consume alcohol."

25. "The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds, and die of a heart attack at 43, you can. You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful."

26. "I'm not a hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else."

27. "I've cried twice in my life. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed."

28. "I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had."

29. "It's pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it."

30. "The only thing I hate more than lying is skim milk, which is water lying about being milk."

31. "I prefer quality over flash. That's why I refuse to use a mustache comb."

32. "Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets."

33. "I got my first job when I was 9. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child labor laws are ruining this country."

34. "Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that."

35. "Friends: one to three is sufficient."

36. "Cultivating a manly musk puts opponent on notice."

37. "I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time."

38. "There's a person on this planet who ever really gets me. It's probably me."

39. "Turkey can never beat cow."

40. "I have no interest in art. Let me clarify: I have no interest in non-nude images."

41. "When I eat, it is the food that is scared."

42. "I'm going to get 12 eggs and part of a dead animal. Dealer's choice. Please and thank you."

43. "History began on July 4, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake."

44. "Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

45. "I'm a libertarian. I believe in a lot of things. Liberty, the Constitution, personal freedom, rugged individualism, laissez-faire capitalism, and napping."

46. "I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people fussing over me."

47. "I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for ten minutes."

48. "Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out."

49. "I have a hernia. I've had it for a while. As long as I can keep the pain tolerable, I intend to live with it."

50. "There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut."

These quotes capture Ron Swanson's unique perspective and humor, making him one of the most memorable characters on television.

Ron Swanson Quotes

**Ron Swanson Quotes about Government:**

1. "The less government we have, the better."

2. "I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had."

3. "I have been quite open about this around the office: I don't want this Parks department to build any parks, because I don't believe in government."

4. "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard."

**Ron Swanson Quotes about Work:**

1. "Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars."

2. "The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy."

3. "The best place to cry is in a canoe. Nobody can see you."

4. "I don't want to do things. I want to not do things."

**Ron Swanson Quotes about Fishing:**

1. "Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something."

2. "Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless."

3. "You had me at meat tornado."

4. "The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds, and die of a heart attack at 43, you can."

**Ron Swanson Quotes "Teach a Man to Fish":**

1. "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard."

2. "It's pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it."

**Ron Swanson Quotes about Breakfast:**

1. "Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

2. "Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."

3. "I'm not a fan of government. I'm not a fan of organized religion. I'm not a fan of anything really."

**Ron Swanson Quotes "Never Half":**

1. "Don't half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

2. "I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had."

**Ron Swanson Quotes about Love:**

1. "I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed."

2. "I have been quite open about this around the office: I don't want this Parks department to build any parks, because I don't believe in government."

**Ron Swanson Quotes GIF:**

1. "I'm not interested in caring about people."

2. "Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out."

**Ron Swanson Quotes "Doing Nothing":**

1. "It's always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain."

Ron Swanson's quotes are a mix of deadpan humor, unique wisdom, and straightforwardness that have made him a beloved character in "Parks and Recreation."

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