Witty Wisdom: Groucho Marx Quotes to Make You Laugh

Groucho Marx was an American comedian, actor, and one of the most prominent members of the Marx Brothers comedy team. He was born on October 2, 1890, in New York City, and he passed away on August 19, 1977. Groucho Marx was known for his distinctive appearance, which included a greasepaint mustache, glasses, and a cigar. He had a quick wit and a sharp sense of humor that made him a comedic icon.

The Marx Brothers, which included Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, and Gummo (who was later replaced by another brother, Gumbo), were known for their anarchic and slapstick comedy in films and on stage. Some of their most famous movies include "Duck Soup," "A Night at the Opera," and "Animal Crackers." Groucho typically played the character of a wise-cracking, cigar-smoking, and fast-talking individual, and his comedic style was characterized by wordplay, puns, and absurdity.

Groucho Marx also had a successful solo career in radio, television, and film. He hosted the popular quiz show "You Bet Your Life" on television from 1950 to 1961, where he engaged in humorous banter with contestants. He was known for his one-liners and witty comebacks, making him a beloved figure in American comedy.

Groucho Marx's humor and legacy continue to influence comedians and entertainers to this day, and he is remembered as one of the greatest comedians in the history of American entertainment.

50+ Groucho Marx Quotes that showcase his wit and humor:

1. "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

2. "I don't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member."

3. "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."

4. "Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"

5. "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

6. "A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

7. "I intend to live forever or die trying."

8. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

9. "Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?"

10. "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."

11. "Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."

12. "I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go into the other room and read a book."

13. "I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal."

14. "I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book."

15. "Behind every successful man, there is a woman - and behind her is his wife."

16. "Women should be obscene and not heard."

17. "While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery."

18. "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

19. "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

20. "A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five."

21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

22. "Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."

23. "I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."

24. "You're only as old as the woman you feel."

25. "Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse."

“A Black cat crossing your path signifies that the Animal is going somewhere..!!💫”

26. "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

27. "I don't have a photograph; I'd give you my footprints, but they're upstairs in my socks."

28. "I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are."

29. "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."

30. "A woman is an occasional pleasure, but a cigar is always a smoke."

31. "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself."

32. "Quote me as saying I was misquoted."

33. "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

34. "A free press is the best of all safeguards against the corrupt use of power."

35. "I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal."

36. "Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."

37. "Humor is reason gone mad."

38. "I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me."

39. "I drink to make other people more interesting."

40. "Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."

41. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

42. "A man's only as old as the woman he feels."

43. "I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."

44. "From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."

45. "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

46. "You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle."

47. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

48. "I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when I found out I was going to have children."

49. "I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that."

50. "If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."

These quotes capture the essence of Groucho Marx's clever and irreverent humor.